A healthy relationship, whether it is friendship with spouse, friend, neighbor, family member etc is where there is love.
Galatians 5:14 KJV "For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself". So basically He's saying where He (God) is, there shall be love because He is love. 1 John 4:7-9 "Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him."
So we've established that we ought to love others as we love ourselves and that foundation is built from God because He is love. He showed us this by sending His only Son who died for us. (John 3:16)
*Side note: Some characteristics of love are patience and kindness. Love is not self seeking, arrogant, or rude. It rejoices to righteousness and justice. Its not boastful or jealous and doesn't display itself haughtily etc... 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away"
With that, we know that God will never leave nor forsake us. Hebrews 13:5, Joshua 1:9, Deuteronomy 31:6... etc. And we know love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:8.
So if we are building our friendships, relationships, etc off of love aka God, then we can have healthy relationships rather than toxic ones. Toxic relationships are very identifiable. They have constant strife and division, also, confusion! James 3:16 says "For where envying strife is, there is confusion & every evil work." confusion is also identified as unstable. James 1:8 says "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. "
Relationships have to have oneness of goals, purpose, value and beliefs. Amos 3:3 " Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"
Some things to look for regarding unhealthy relationships: Violators of the heart...
- they try to rob you of the power of your life.They are thieves of your joy, mind, temper or any aspect of your life.
- The most dangerous ones try to tell you only what you want to hear.
- They are "ego strokers" and tell you words of affection that you're desperate to hear in order to get WHAT THEY WANT!
- They take advantage of your "needs", especially the need to be love and accepted.
- They are takers NOT givers
* Side Note : Never lose your identity for another person's sake & Never compromise your character for anyone
You must continually look at whether a person is drawing more than they are giving. A HEALTHY relationship has BALANCE of giving and taking. There is a mutual appreciation and build up honest words of appreciation without any taint of manipulation.
How to cut off unhealthy relationships:
Identify and accept the out of balance relationships. After doing your part, give that person to God. Giving that person to God doesn't mean you are giving up on them and that you "could care less what happens with them" . It just means that you are entrusting God to take care of and help them because he is the ultimate source of everything!
*Side note: Ask God, from the beginning, for discernment and whether you should even be in a friendship/relationship with individual.
Don't burn bridges when cutting people off. By this I mean don't be bitter and angry when letting a person go or when they let you go. Walk away with the intent to never return to relationship. God may have you revisit the relationship at a different point in time because there is a time and season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1) but walk away with intent to never look back.
Move forward, don't look back. Every time you look back you're not trusting God (Proverbs 3:5-6) and you're questioning whether you did the right thing, becoming confused and double-minded! You second guess your today and will become hesitant about your tomorrow. Leave the past behind.
Don't look at what might have been, should have been, or could have been. Look at what is still to be!!!
